Wanna feel 10 pounds lighter instantly?
“Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace." Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Not a usual time for me to be awake. But awake I was. Going over in my mind exactly what I wanted to say to a certain someone who had "done me wrong." I don't need to go into details about the who or what, because it's not the first time this has happened.
Maybe you can relate?
I was crafting the exact argument I would use to really shut them down and prove how wrong they had been to treat me the way they did. And it was a damn good argument.
After tossing and turning for longer than I care to admit, though, a tiny thought crept into my mind that shifted everything:
Would I rather be happy or right?
Instantly, all of the tension in my body and mind evaporated, and I felt 10 pounds lighter.
This lightness didn't last, though, as my monkey mind went back to, "But they deserve to hear my truth! They need to be taught a lesson!"
But I kept choosing to return to the lighter feeling by letting go of the argument and instead thinking of something that made me happy. Slowly but surely, my focus switched, and I could finally relax and fall back asleep.
We all feel we're right most of the time. And we all can articulate exactly why we're right and another person is wrong. Hell, I literally have an advanced degree in arguing!
But what does it really accomplish? Sure, if you're in a courtroom with a judge who has to find for one side over another, you can eventually get your vindication.
But usually, arguing over who's right and who's wrong doesn't do much good. Because we're human - when we're told we're wrong, our immediate response is to dig in, get defensive, and explain again why we're right.
And that sets us up for a never-ending back and forth that doesn't solve anything and only pushes us further apart.
Instead, if we focus on being happy, we immediately shift into our power. All that resistance is released and it frees up a ton of creative energy that can be spent making our lives, and the lives of others, better.
This was a huge lesson for someone who thought she was going to spend her entire professional career fighting to be right. It's taken years of constant self-evaluation to realize when I'm caught in the trap of being right. And as this post proves, I'm still far from perfect at it.
But I am getting better. Little by little, day by day, I disengage sooner, forgive quicker, and get on with my life faster.
And guess what? By removing myself from more and more silly conflicts, fewer conflicts arise in my life. CLICK TO TWEET
Now, of course, this is not to say that there aren't some things worth fighting for. Many of our most important civil rights have come out of the struggle against the status quo.
But let's be honest - the vast majority of battles aren't worth it. They drain our energy, suck our creativity, and zap our zest for life.
When I woke up after my 3AM debate session, I imagined the person who I had been scolding in my mind wearing angel wings and a halo. I no longer saw them as my enemy, but rather my teacher, giving me another chance to remember that being happy is so much more important that being right.
And then I decided never to work with them again. Hey, just because they were my teacher, doesn't mean I need to punish myself with more lessons from them!
Your turn - have you ever given up the fight and felt better for it? If so, please let us know on our Facebook page. Because what I want most for you is a ton of "the happy"!
Happy days to you,
PS - I want to wish my mom a truly magical birthday - I love you!!!